Wish that Work is as simple as its spelling, four letters.

I am still working my way to get familiarise with this blog site. And I am on a very slow phase as it's hard to find time for me.

Yep, the post title, says it. It's not that I hate my work. But I also can't say I love it.. I love it a bit, that I am sure of. But the way heaven arranged the processes, the people, the location, the work load, each task, work time, I find it still intense or becoming more and more burning, heightened. Where stupidity would get you laughed on. Where mistakes would get you a shameful mark on your face that you would wish you have a power to teleport or to be invisible for you not be be seen and scrutinised.

Yep, I find the environment there as what I have detailed above. And a recent event made me more feel like this way.

The embarrassment. I'm not trying recall it. I don't want to. That now become a recurring feeling every time it visits my mind. It's a weakening negative history, that very moment! Though I learnt from it, surely that made me feel stupid, fool, fu**** up.

So fucked up that you didn't want anyone to know you're being crashed to bits. Or rather you didn't want to others to exactly know by telling every detail, but the feeling of sending a miracle to someone to impulsively notice you crippling inside...

That saying, or used up line: "lean on me" . was real, when you literally need someone to lean your head on their shoulder... 

Changing back

Changing back my alias.
 
After thorough thinking, I don't want my first ID here to be 'self-evident' of my emotions. When I created that, my emotion was on its normal height and wanted to release something I could no longer conceal at that very moment. My mind submitted to my emotion, fixed to the only one that is causing me this kind of let me call it, as a "very wrong and unfair inclination." I allowed myself to give in, and embraced this rose flower, hyper-aware that it was surrounded by torns. Sometimes I mind the pain, sometimes I don't because the pain is being over shadowed by a better feeling by just staring at it or by just knowing that it's there. What more if it dances with the wind and make its scent spread out. That would send me to a bitter and sweet castle in the air.  


    

Coming up with a pseudonym

It took me quite some time to think of this alias or display name that could somehow connect to my current alias. And this pseudonym was a result of deep feeling currently hitting my inner-self. cheizingadame = ("cheize"as my other alias) chasing a dame = chasing a very rare kind of beautiful soul so exactly fitting my interests.

 Im switching back and forth to sketching and writing here. Patience is not my game. My attention flies away from one thought to another without a warning.